If I was the leader of the Supreme Council of the Armed Forces
May 23, 2011
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At times I think to myself…why don’t the SCAF just do ____________ and things would be so much easier and better for everybody? Because, it seems so simple and clear and obvious, that any normal human being with basic brain capacity & clear of bad intentions would be able to see and do these things without outside help. Though for some reason beyond my capacity to understand, it just never happens.
I’m an extremely naive person by nature of course, and I am 100% convinced that Sir Tantawi & Co. are extremely decent, respectful people who have always been completely in love with our ideas of freedom, liberty, accountability and justice when we started this revolution. They loved it so much that they decided to take the torch from our hands and keep running with it! Though, it seems they just aren’t doing the right thing 99.9% of the time, of course just because they have too much on their hands and they aren’t experienced and ya 3eeni 3’alaba bas mish 3arfeen yi3milo eh walla eh wil kalam il hayif dah kollo…no bad intentions at all tab3an! (sarcasm meters should be going through the roof now)
I would like to give the SCAF a few tips on how to increase their popularity and avoid Tahrir turning into an “iskat il mosheer” playing field, so here’s the first 15 things I would do if I was the leader of the SCAF:
- I would immediately put myself up for voluntary investigation with the DA, and publish all my bank account and asset records for the past 30 years. I would also set up a 24 hour live webcam feed straight on my office from 5 different angles (which of course can be paused in case of sensitive meetings). This would be to set an example that even I am not above the law, and that I am a decent man with nothing to fear. My finances, assets and daily routine are so clean that I don’t mind everybody seeing them and scrutinizing for themselves. Why would I not do this if I wasn’t 100% clean, eh?
- I would invite every single person on the council to volunteer to be put under investigation also, and publish their cash and assets as I did with myself, though they would not be forced to do so. Either way, whoever doesn’t follow suit will end up looking really bad, so it’s a lose-lose situation for any corrupt people within my ranks. That would be an awesome way to clean up the military leadership. Because you’re all awesomely decent and non-corrupt people, don’t you want that too?! I know you do you #Jan25 Lovers!
- I would share power by creating a presidential council. The role of the army is to protect the people, not to play politics. The army has too many guns to play politics, its involvement in such affairs is extremely dangerous and I should be very aware of that.
- I would have soldiers protecting every rally or protest from potential thugs, and give orders to violently interfere and break up any violence that may arise due to thugs that may be planted within any protest. Arrests will be carried out ONLY to the offending parties, or those who bring weapons along. I’m sure that’s who the SCAF are referring to in their latest Bayan 56, right?
- I wouldn’t shoot at protesters with live fire, no matter what. Also, I won’t attack them without being provoked, and if/when I am provoked, I won’t attack everybody indiscriminately, but target the few who provoked me.
- I would put the commander of whatever unit was in charge of protecting the Imbaba church under investigation, pending trial for being far too slow to respond and allowing the church to burn, letting the country slip into a state of sectarian violence. I would also make sure it doesn’t happen again, because it’s the second time and that’s just horrible of me. I’m sure SCAF feel horribly guilty and sad for not trying harder to stop this from happening twice since they took power.
- I’d order investigations for ALL and ANY torture or abuse allegations pointed at military soldiers, with swift televised military trials to ensure no other military member will ever torture a fellow Egyptian when he is supposed to be protecting him/her and his/her revolution.
- I would allow free speech, and set laws where the media has absolutely no direction, and can say anything about anybody as long as it does not cause sectarian divisions or hate.
- I would create a real referendum for a real constitutional change based on a constitution of a country which is a role-model for freedom and prosperity (like Sweden or Switzerland), rather than making one up based on sectarian or religious demands of any specific group in the country.
- I would put Hosni Mubarak, & all those who are under investigation today for serious political corruption in prison, rather than in Sharm El Sheikh. Also, I won’t let them out of prison unless it’s 100% clear that nothing happened. If any of them are sick, they can go to prison hospital, just like the rest of the criminals that are there. Why would I ever treat a mass murderer better than all the drug dealers and thieves? Moreover, all related trials would be televised or at least broadcasted online.
- I wouldn’t spread false news in the newspapers to test the waters every week.
- I wouldn’t go after companies for trying to make a profit. A company’s job is to make as much profit as possible within the legal framework that the government sets, if the government sets an unfair legal framework and the companies abuse that, it is not the company’s fault, rather the government officials’ fault. What’s happening now has taken our country’s FDI and consumer spending down to zero, destroyed consumer confidence and will bankrupt the country and its businesses very soon.
- I would stop sending gas to Israel until they pay a fair price for the gas, and if worst comes to worst and Israel takes Egypt to court and asks for fines to be paid, I would take the Israeli politicians to court and accuse them of bribery and corruption to set the deal up. Also, I would threaten to completely open our borders with Gaza and allow all types of non-military supplies through (food, fuel, building materials, etc.) in case that happened. I’ll show them who’s boss.
- I would be extremely fast to implement environmental conservation laws to protect places like Ras Mohammed from fishing.
- I would NEVER lie, and apologize when I make a mistake.
Now the question is: Why hasn’t the SCAF EVER done any of the above, if they are the beautifully decent and kind-hearted revolution lovers that I am 100% sure that they are deep down inside? Why am I unhappy and disappointed that they aren’t doing the right thing, when I know that inside their hearts they want to do it more than anything else in the world? (check sarcasm meter again)
I could list the reasons as to why they haven’t, but then every single one of those could be considered a direct insult to the big boss, so I’ll bite my tongue and let each one of you sit there and list them out yourselves. It doesn’t take a genius to understand why all the good things mentioned above haven’t happened yet.
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